The 5 Stages of Meditation That I Have Been Through
And most probably you will go through too.
15 years ago, when I had started meditating, it was an utter let down. I had heard a lot about meditation and its impact on people. I had heard stories of people who could perform impossible feats because they meditated. It was this mystical aspect of meditation that would motivate me to read more about it.
Then one day, feeling bad for my condition of depression, a good friend of mine suggested, “why don’t you meditate?”
I thought he was asking me because I deserved to gain the supernatural abilities to perform impossible feats. You know how stupid one’s thinking becomes when they are delusional. I did not know where I stood.
Anyways I gave meditation a shot.
When I did my first meditation, I had a mixed feeling. It gave me some relief from depression and mood swings. As for gaining abilities, it was such a let down. Nothing happened.
But I thought may be if I continued a little longer I will get those supernatural abilities.
So I continued.
15 years have passed ever since. These are the 5 stages of meditation that I have been through. And most probably you will go through too.
Stage1 : Delusion
This is the stage of delusion where you meditate thinking you will gain abilities. You think soon you will be able to perform feats that will bewilder others. And then the world will know who you are.
I remember a funny scene from the movie “The Love Guru” where Tugginmypudha asks Mike Myers & Deepak why they wanted to join the ashram. Unlike Deepak, Mike Myers says, “If I join the ashram, I will become a guru. Then girls will like me. And then I will like myself.”
This is that kind of stage.
I can’t speak of everybody, but I started at this stage.
For me it was to gain abilities to perform impossible intellectual feats like solving the toughest mathematical problems, perform mind blowing feats in music, develop some great software, be a great comedian and what not…
… and then the world would know who I was.
So I continued to meditate in delusion.
Stage 2: Get Rid of Depression
Now, as I was meditating, I was becoming happier.
Initially, I just felt happy during the meditations.
Soon after, I started feeling happy during evenings also. This was something interesting happening to me. You see, I have always had this thing — I used to feel sad during sunset. There was no reason. I could never explain it. Some strange depression would set in my heart during sunset and it would stay that way for couple of hours.
But because of meditation I started feeling happy during evenings. Soon that feeling of evening sadness was gone for ever. Even if I wasn’t distinctly happy, the sad depressing feeling never came back.
This was a relief. But my delusion wasn’t cured. I still believed one day I will gain enormous abilities.
During that period, meditation became a tool for me to feel happy.
If I was depressed, I would meditate.
But my larger cycles of depression were still there.
I knew meditation was the right tool to overcome depression. So I continued. This went on for a long time.
Stage 3: Escape
After a few years I entered a strange stage.
Usually people say that meditation helps you take responsibility of your emotions and situation. I started doing exactly opposite.
I turned meditation into a tool to avoid bad situations. I started using meditation to avoid fears, stress and responsibilities.
Now, as I look back I realize meditation was the right tool, but my approach was that of an escapist.
I was trying to run away from consequences of my own actions.
If I meditated, I hoped everything would be alright. I did not want to take any responsibility for my actions or the situations around me.
If I had to run away, I would do that.
But meditation served my purpose, so I continued to meditate.
Stage 4: A Practice
Only after a considerable time, a shift happened.
I don’t quite remember when, but I started seeing meditation as a practice.
It became a discipline. And I started valuing that discipline.
This was a big shift for me.
My sadness reduced considerably. I stopped using meditation as tool to escape.
Fearlessness dawned in me. This further strengthened my practice.
The change in me was so drastic, I would tell everyone, “Meditation is a practice. If you practice, you get the fruits. Cultivate the discipline. Without it, meditation will remain a tool to escape weaknesses, to avoid fear.”
Stage 5: Awareness
After practicing for many years, a curiosity kindled in me.
It was not something flimsy, like curiosity of knowing what is happening in the world — but as you read the news to fulfill that curiosity, you feel sad. The curiosity is gone.
It was not that kind.
This curiosity was different. It was consistent. It remained even after the my questions were answered. It was like an insatiable thirst.
I started following the flow of this curiosity.
It led me to reading and re-reading many spiritual books. I realized the books were making sense. Earlier when I would pick a spiritual book, I could barely stand the writings. I had never gone beyond a few pages on any spiritual book that I had read.
But now I was sailing through these books. I was getting answers to my questions which were earlier source of great confusion to me. I was getting validation of my experiences.
Soon, I realized meditation was strengthening my experience of the present moment. This was significant.
I was becoming adept at letting go. It was more than a practice. Though practice was the foundation, the essence was not just the discipline but awareness.
I was learning to dwell in present moment.
This is when I realized that, the realizations are easy to talk about than achieved.
For example, you can say “drop desires”. Or, throw an advice at someone — “be in present moment”. But to realize it is something else.
These seemingly mundane words are only as deep as your realization. They mean nothing or they can mean everything.
At this stage, I am aware that there are other stages of meditation that I am headed towards. But it is too early to say anything about them.
This was my experience. The 5 stages. You can benefit from my experience.
Take my experience as reference and evaluate at what stage do you think you are. Your stage could be totally different from mine in terms of experience you are going through.
The important part is this — start making efforts to reach to a point where meditation becomes a practice for you, if it has not already. By practice I mean a discipline you want to follow, not something that someone else makes you do.
Call it an interest in meditation. Not for sake of anything else. But for the sake meditating.
Because once that self evolved discipline dawns in you, you wouldn’t need anybody to tell you what to do next.
Meditation will guide you from there on.
I hope you find it sooner than I did.
